Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Recently, maybe in the last month or so, I've been getting increasingly more antsy. I'm starting to want to do things. Me! Wanting to do things! I know, it's shocking. After years of no motivation, no inspiration, and no drive to speak of, I find myself wanting to be out of the house, away from this comfort zone I have created. It's pretty profound.
But… there's a "but." I am still lacking in creativity and energy. I'm still struggling with the motivation side of things. I want to do things, but I don't know WHAT to do. I don't know WHERE to go. Or HOW to get where I want to be. It's the "who's, what's, where's, when's and why's" that are failing me. So I stay home. I stay in my comfort zone that is quickly turning into quick sand. I feel myself sinking. I'm fading and failing. I disappoint myself every day that I do not DO something. It's been really frustrating.
But with the help of some outside observers, I am starting to try to take a positive approach to this. This may in fact be progress! Could it be? Progress? Could I be feeling better? Me? I don't know! I never thought of it that way! I just thought this was another hurdle to overcome. And yes, yes it is a hurdle, but this could be a GOOD hurdle! This could be one that I want to jump!
So we liken it to someone in physical therapy. You wan to run right away, but you need to take slow, baby steps. Or a kite that wants to soar but is still tethered to the ground. My spirt wants to soar. My heart wants to run. But my body just needs a little nudging, a little help, and a lot of patience. I get tired quickly when I'm actually out of the house. But I'm getting out of the house. I'm finding it difficult to think of things to do, but I want to do things.
So maybe, just maybe, I need to put a positive spin on this. Instead of getting uncomfortable with these new feelings, I need to embrace them. I need to nurture my heart's desire to do more, be more, become more. Because in the end, isn't it all part of healing?
Me. Healing. I'm scared to even think it's possible. But I must think it's possible. I need to believe. Me. Healing. It just may be happening!