Friday, February 5, 2010

Freeing Fridays

Who would have thought that when I came up with Freeing Fridays just a few days ago as a subject for the blog, that I would be so inspired to use it today. Although the event(s) leading up to today's post are rather frustrating, I am so glad it has happened.

Granted, much of my ability to breathe today could be the chemical switch in my brain from being almost totally out of control yesterday to breathing a little lighter today, but I still think it's significant and worthy of mention.

Yesterday I had a major outburst, one that not only had me yelling at my sister but also my mother shortly thereafter. So much anger and frustration that had been pent up for so many years just came rushing out of me faster than my mouth and brain could keep up. I was emotional, unstable, and slightly out of control. But that event, that final opening of pandora's box started dialogue with my mother that I never thought would happen.

We have barely scratched the surface. But for me to finally have the strength (albeit angry) to tell her outright that I do not appreciate some of the things that transpired as I was growing up was so freeing for me.

So today, on Freeing Friday, I would like to acknowledge just how freeing it is to finally tell someone you love that they have hurt you or are hurting you, instead of just taking it and bottling it up and blaming yourself for it. I definitely think there is a time and place for certain things. Yesterday's outburst was not necessarily fair on them. But the weight it lifted off me to finally say "I've had enough!" was enormous. And I feel just a little bit freer today having done that.

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