Monday, February 8, 2010

Mindful Mondays? Nope, MESSY Mondays

I have decided that I officially do not like today. No offense to Monday, no offense to the date, no offense to anything that pertains to this specific day in time other than the fact that it just isn't working for me. It's just "one of those days…"

Those days are hard. You know the kind, where nothing seems to go the "right" way. Yep. One of THOSE days. I thought I would be okay today. I was fairly apprehensive about starting the week because of some of the things I wanted to accomplish, but I was trying to be optimistic. "Ha!" says the day… not so fast!

Who knows what's going on. My brain and body are not in sync. And the word "frustrating" just does not do justice to the aggravation I feel as I try to get through seemingly simple things. The fact that the internet is having a bad day is also quite a challenge. Things online are not cooperating. My printer upstairs is not cooperating. My body is not cooperating. My mind is not cooperating. Nothing is cooperating.

Then the mail comes, and contains four envelopes pertaining to a recent application I submitted regarding my livelihood and health. Four. I tried to get through them. Lord knows I tried, but I'm so overwhelmed right now I don't know whether to crawl into a ball and try to disappear all together, or tear my hair out in clumps, screaming at the top of my lungs. Or maybe just running around the house flapping my arms in the air uttering incoherent mumbo-jumbo… yeah, that sounds like fun.

It's one of those days alright. It's messy. It's difficult, and frustrating, and overwhelming. I'm afraid it is a day where sitting here peacefully, being mindful of what's going on around me is next to impossible. It's a day of deep breaths, and repeated reminders to "walk away for a minute," to "put the papers down," to "remember to eat," and to take a couple more deep breaths because you just stopped breathing again as you looked out the window thinking of the million things going on right now. That about sums it up. It's just a day to breathe… and be thankful for the blessing of being able to sit here and… just breathe.

No comments: