It's coming back.
Taking over my thoughts, my breath, my muscles.
The feeling that there is no end.
The feeling that there has to be an end.
The feeling that… that I want an end.
Overcome with guilt.
Overcome with sick.
Overcome with fear.
Overcome with worry.
Overcome with the force of this thing, this thing that takes me over.
Wanting to explode.
Wanting to implode.
Wanting to disappear.
Wanting to be seen, acknowledged, heard.
Wanting some relief.
Wanting a connection.
It comes out of no where.
It comes when I least expect it and don't realize it has been gone for days.
And it is so strong. It is so scary.
But its thoughts can be comforting.
Not sure anymore. Never sure.
One great day turns sour in an instant. And continues. The reality is too painful.