Monday, September 27, 2010
Wow, what a ride! Last week was quite a challenge for me. I was met with a continually worsening low mood and many frustrations on top of that. Actually, I thought I was getting better Friday, but that was the worst day of all. Saturday was just the icing on the cake.
Have you ever had times like these? Sometimes I find myself sitting here, scratching my head, thinking "What the hell just happened?" Over the weeks preceding, I thought I was getting better and better at being positive and having a better outlook on things. But after several aggravations, I finally broke. I finally lost control and got ugly. I am not proud of that.
However, I need to be kind to myself. Ugly or not, I was hurting. And when a trigger comes along that's strong enough to break me, I need to realize that it was just that - a trigger - and I can overcome. I wasn't so sure I could overcome last week.
But Monday is upon me: a new day, a new week, a new beginning. I have had time to think, time to sleep, and time to regain some of the strength I feel I lost, if only for a moment. Quite frankly, I am proud of myself that I did not fall into the dark abyss for more than just a night and a day. In fact, it was only a span of hours where I felt really hopeless. The rest I was just hurt and angry.
I want to let it go. I want to release the anger and move on. Anger does me no good. It only makes me toxic. And that is unacceptable to me. So despite the gray, rainy day, I invite positivity and light back into my house. I am ashamed that I let the negativity consume me so quickly. Then again, it was not easy by any means.
I feel lighter again. I feel healthier again. I am going to draw from some of my resources to get back to "me" again. What you saw in my last post was not the me I want to be. Not by far. I refuse to let the anger, frustration, and sadness take over my life like that for longer than it already has. I am better than that.
So, "Hello New Day…" I can't wait to see what you have in store for me.