Monday, September 27, 2010

Coming Back

Wow, what a ride!  Last week was quite a challenge for me.  I was met with a continually worsening low mood and many frustrations on top of that.  Actually, I thought I was getting better Friday, but that was the worst day of all.  Saturday was just the icing on the cake.  

Have you ever had times like these?  Sometimes I find myself sitting here, scratching my head, thinking "What the hell just happened?"  Over the weeks preceding, I thought I was getting better and better at being positive and having a better outlook on things.  But after several aggravations, I finally broke.  I finally lost control and got ugly.  I am not proud of that.  

However, I need to be kind to myself.  Ugly or not, I was hurting.  And when a trigger comes along that's strong enough to break me, I need to realize that it was just that - a trigger - and I can overcome.  I wasn't so sure I could overcome last week.  

But Monday is upon me: a new day, a new week, a new beginning.  I have had time to think, time to sleep, and time to regain some of the strength I feel I lost, if only for a moment.  Quite frankly, I am proud of myself that I did not fall into the dark abyss for more than just a night and a day.  In fact, it was only a span of hours where I felt really hopeless.  The rest I was just hurt and angry.  

I want to let it go.  I want to release the anger and move on.  Anger does me no good.  It only makes me toxic.  And that is unacceptable to me.  So despite the gray, rainy day, I invite positivity and light back into my house.  I am ashamed that I let the negativity consume me so quickly.  Then again, it was not easy by any means.  

I feel lighter again.  I feel healthier again.  I am going to draw from some of my resources to get back to "me" again.  What you saw in my last post was not the me I want to be.  Not by far.  I refuse to let the anger, frustration, and sadness take over my life like that for longer than it already has.  I am better than that.  

So, "Hello New Day…"  I can't wait to see what you have in store for me.

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