Friday, September 24, 2010

I'm Melting

I find this fascinating.  I just had a difficult mood week.  I was feeling low, down in the dumps, sad, just bad.  But I was able to ride through it.  I was able to "flow through the low" (my new favorite phrase), and today I am feeling lighter.  It was another difficult time getting out of bed this morning.  I wanted to sleep all day, but I got up, had my coffee, and I'm feeling better.  It's such a relief.  I feel like I'm slowly emerging out from behind the clouds today.  It's a process.  I am not up, jumping for joy.  But I definitely feel better, lighter, happier.  I feel like it's easier to smile, it's easier to move, it's easier to breathe.  

Except for ONE thing.  And it's been driving me crazy for months.  And I'm not sure how to let go of this one thing.  It is - the weather.  It is warm.  Not nearly as hot as it was earlier in the summer.  But I feel like I've been waiting ALL SUMMER LONG for some form of relief from the heat and humidity.  It's been the bane of my existence since it started.  

You see, I get very crabby in the heat.  It makes me sweaty.  And I hate being sweaty, because I feel gross.  I feel dirty, smelly, slimy, and gross.  The heat makes me uncomfortable.  I cannot move without sweating.  I cannot move without my body temperature rising and it's just unbearable to me for some reason.  I realize, that I need to "flow through the low (or high)" of the heat.  But how?  I try to stay calm.  I try to make myself more comfortable by sitting in front of fans.  Sometimes, I even hole myself up in the bedroom, the only room with an air conditioner, just for some relief.  But I feel cooped up in there.  

Keep in mind, my life is conducted in my house.  I do not get out of the house much, and on days where it's unbearably hot, I do not want to leave the house, because that means going out in the hot sun, sweating more, only… in public!  Ugh.  I cannot bear the thought of other people seeing me in such distress.  I feel like they are looking at me thinking "what a fat slob - look at how badly she's sweating because she's so fat!"  It's a curse.

So how do I let the heat go?  Because as I look at the weather forecast, it appears the more I look at it, the more warm days appear, as if there will never be an end in sight.  Sure 78 is in the 70's, but it's still close to the 80's and that makes me frustrated.  I get so agitated!  

I've been begging Mother Nature to hear my calls for too long.  So I have decided I have to change MY thinking and just grin and bear it.  There is nothing I can do about the weather.  Nothing.  It is completely out of my control.  So why do I fret about it so?  Time to turn my frown upside down, and figure out how to get through this endless summer.  

I have NO idea what to do.  But I'm thinking.  Perhaps gratefulness will help.  I am grateful for the sunshine.  I am grateful not to have to shovel 3 feet of snow.  I am grateful to be able to wear flip flops.  (No, you negative thoughts that are trying to creep in.  I will not succumb to you!)  It is beautiful out.  Yes it's warm, but it is still beautiful.  My housework can wait until a cooler time.  Hopefully… HOPEFULLY we are only a couple weeks away from some relief.  Ha!  That's what I said a month ago.  ((sigh))  Help.  

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