Sunday, September 12, 2010

Smiles on Sundays

I'm having a hard time today.  On Sundays I LOVE to write about smiles, but my smiles seem hard to come by for some reason this afternoon.  I feel like I'm oozing negativity, and that alone is making me more negative.  

I've been up since an early 6:30am, woken up from a bad, ghost-filled dream.  I was  so skittish after that dream, I even turned the lights on.  But I got up and made my coffee, and had quite a few giggles over the turtle not being sure what was going on because I was up so early.  She never gets fed that early, but knew that since I was up, food must be coming soon.  She slowly got more and more frisky, climbing on her log and kerplunk-kerplunking to get my attention.  It was pretty cute.  

I enjoyed the morning.  It was quiet and rainy.  My coffee was good and it was even cool enough that I could have oatmeal for breakfast.  I haven't had oatmeal in some time.  Late-morning, while waiting for my mom to call and Tony to wake up, I started reading my book, The Power.  It had me feeling pretty good.  I stuck with it until it got into the tools to use to find more positivity in your life, and how to attract what you want in life.  I thought, "I can do this," and even started the imagination process.  When Tony came downstairs, I closed the book and was feeling good, ready to make some breakfast for the two of us. 

But after an hour or so, I felt the negativity seeping in.  It's been getting worse and worse.  I feel edgy.  I feel irritable.  And I feel bitchy.  All of which I despise.  And that, in itself, is doing the exact opposite of what the book was about: focusing on the positive.  So I'm feeling frustrated.  

I suppose I need to remind myself that it's not a skill I'm going to learn in an hour.  But the difficulty is that somehow, in my desires for the positive, I realized just how negative I am.  Maybe it's part of the process.  Let's just hope.  I think perhaps I need to envision being more positive.  Being healthy.  Being happy.  

So let's try this: although my Sunday is feeling particularly negative, perhaps this is the start of finding more positive light in my life.  Turn that negative around, yes?  

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