Friday, September 17, 2010
I Am Me
I'm in awe, and almost speechless.
Today started out very difficult. I slept in, because I was very tired. I woke up grumpy - very grumpy. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I was frustrated by my pet turtle. I was frustrated with how I was feeling. I was just plain frustrated. I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't sure how to make it better, and I so desperately wanted it to be better.
I had a counseling appointment that I did not want to go to. I was miserable! I wanted to stay cooped up in my house, not catching two busses to her office and then another two busses home. But I had to do it. I had already canceled my last appointment. I knew I needed this, even if I was miserable about going.
The busses were crowded. They were stinky. But I got there. And as I walked through the door something struck me. I was GLAD to be there. I realized that even though I didn't want to go, it was a good thing to be there, and I was okay with being there.
Quickly into my appointment I was full of smiles. We talked about how I had been doing lately. And I said, I had been doing well! I looked back on my last two weeks, and apart from yesterday, I felt good about them. And even though I wasn't feeling my best yesterday, I flowed with it, and was okay with saying "it wasn't a good day."
I laughed and smiled, and was thankful for everything that had been going on. I raved about the book I just read, the Power. I even had great laughs and smiles and heart warming emotion telling her about how much I love Tony and how much fun we have. It was wonderful.
I walked out of there renewed. I even stopped by the park to listen to some beautiful music two women were singing on a tiny stage. The music echoed off the large buildings surrounding Love Park, and it was magnificent.
I got home and caught up on Facebook, and was (as usual) met with wonderful posts, quotes, and smiles.
I am home. I am comfortable. I am well. I am happy. And it all started with a birthday card from my mom that brought tears of pride to my eyes. Pride about myself. And a deep love and thankfulness to have her in my life, and to be living my life. I am living. I am me.