Friday, September 17, 2010

I Am Me

I'm in awe, and almost speechless.  

Today started out very difficult.  I slept in, because I was very tired.  I woke up grumpy - very grumpy.  I wasn't sure what to do with myself.  I was frustrated by my pet turtle.  I was frustrated with how I was feeling.  I was just plain frustrated.  I wasn't sure what to do.  I wasn't sure how to make it better, and I so desperately wanted it to be better. 

I had a counseling appointment that I did not want to go to.  I was miserable!  I wanted to stay cooped up in my house, not catching two busses to her office and then another two busses home.  But I had to do it.  I had already canceled my last appointment.  I knew I needed this, even if I was miserable about going. 

The busses were crowded.  They were stinky.  But I got there.  And as I walked through the door something struck me.  I was GLAD to be there.  I realized that even though I didn't want to go, it was a good thing to be there, and I was okay with being there.  

Quickly into my appointment I was full of smiles.  We talked about how I had been doing lately.  And I said, I had been doing well!  I looked back on my last two weeks, and apart from yesterday, I felt good about them.  And even though I wasn't feeling my best yesterday, I flowed with it, and was okay with saying "it wasn't a good day."  

I laughed and smiled, and was thankful for everything that had been going on.  I raved about the book I just read, the Power.  I even had great laughs and smiles and heart warming emotion telling her about how much I love Tony and how much fun we have.  It was wonderful.  

I walked out of there renewed.  I even stopped by the park to listen to some beautiful music two women were singing on a tiny stage.  The music echoed off the large buildings surrounding Love Park, and it was magnificent.  

I got home and caught up on Facebook, and was (as usual) met with wonderful posts, quotes, and smiles.  

I am home.  I am comfortable.  I am well.  I am happy.  And it all started with a birthday card from my mom that brought tears of pride to my eyes.  Pride about myself.  And a deep love and thankfulness to have her in my life, and to be living my life.  I am living.  I am me.  

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